It took 23 years of learning and growing, resisting and denying, giving up and trying again for me to truly relate this to my life. I find it funny how easy it is to cast judgements and how hard it simultaneously is to be judged. How easy it is to hand someone a reality check before you've truly checked their reality. How quickly associates become friends, friends become loved ones and loved ones become enemies. Why is it so easy to see objectively but so hard to understand subjectively? What makes a woman a WOMAN? What truly makes a Friend a FRIEND? It saddens me to see what people allow to define them, and even worse, what people use to define people.
All that glitters is not gold:
As a human, a woman and an imperfect person I can't say I've never been swept up in gossip, blown away by materialism, and trampled by temptation. I can't say my better judgement has seen more sunsets than my first instinct and I'd be a heathen if I didn't confess that I once or twice have had to live with regret. In my pre-self love days I too took to heart the uninformed at face-value criticisms of others and I too have criticized on my path to opening my mind. A friend is not some who loves you for your perfections but more so understands and lovingly acknowledges your imperfections, appreciates the minor ones that makes you "YOU" and unjudgementally opens your eyes to those he/she won't let you accept. On the other hand a FRIEND will never belittle you or lead you to falsely believe that you deserve less than you expect. All women should be placed on a pedal stool whether by someone else or by themselves and a FRIEND never seeks to knock you off if your pedal stool elevates higher than theirs. What misleads many is failing to understand that while high up on this pedal stool, it is still possible and ESSENTIAL to remain grounded.
It amazes me that in a world of neigh Sayers, falsehoods, heathens and haters you can no longer place your bets on a friend. Somewhere down the line, and eye must have been exchanges for an eye because I'm watching the world go blind. I may not be rich in money or wealthy in assets but one thing that remains in stock in my storehouse will always be My apathetic advice, my listening ear and my up most sincerity. Everything else the world is offering WILL indeed tarnish.
What unnerves me to my core is when friends trust heresay rather than a friend, or when they use the opinions of an associate to judge a friend. Do people even have heart to hearts anymore? or have they now been replace by ego to ego conversations? Are we truly speaking to our friends from a place of love or place of judgement. I don't know whats worse, a woman that jumps man to man or friend to Friend. At some point luxury has to be replaced by love and doubt with loyalty. If you have a friend, you believe in them. You stand up for what you believe in. You don't allow others to speak down on them in your presence nor do you entertain the company of those who mean them harm. further more you don't tell one friend the negative aspects of your relationship with another friend so to that they will only have negative thoughts of that friend, while intentionally leaving off all the goods.
Better yet: rule of thumb to all listening, they NEVER speak to one friend about the other its tacky.
EX: I wont complain to Jim about John and when Jim angers me talk to Michael about him while hanging out with John: confused? you should be because that life style only brews confusion. EVERYONE CANT BE YOUR BEST FRIEND!If your not a part of the solution you are inevitably a part of the problem.
I could not conclude this release of the mind without speaking about those I like to refer to as "the victim." The ones who never are apathetic for you, but expect you to be sympathetic to them. Who see your sob stories as a sign of weakness but always expect you to understand what they've "been through" or where their "coming from" who always have a cry for help, but are irritated when asked for assistance. The Red Cross is able to give because it receives and receives only because IT GIVES! Those who speak words of love and commitment but fail every test. When you receive with one hand, always remember to give with the other. When you have millions of expectations, prepare to be expected of, understand for every 'no' there have been 100 yes's and for every tear shed their have been 1000 smiles. I truly believe that the one thing ruining the majority of friendships these days is over expectation of perfection and a unwillingness to communicate. a assumption before a question..i think that is called a presumption. Understanding we are all imperfect people striving for perfection is the foundation of a lasting friendship.
I say this for myself and for those I love, when living in a glass house, please refrain from throwing stones.
Sidenote: I've played therapist to alot of breakdowns recently and there's one common trend I can bare testimony to; "you truly never know where a person has been nor what they are currently going through." I say that to say this, we all have a story and only those we let closest to us know half that story, and only you yourself knows how that story has positively or negatively made you who you are today. So next time you set your mind to judge someone, look within your own pages and understand their actions may just be the aftermath of "their story"The moral of this story is we can all learn a little tolerance and alot of forgiveness. Before you decide to ignore and give up on your friends, trying forgiving and inspiring a friend or a nation!
Hugz n kisses,
Kara
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